A Case of the Mondays

That was one of the many great lines from the movie Office Space. That gal really got under my skin, but it was hilarious the way she did it. Anyway, on to something that isn't more important...

My blog posts have been a little lacking lately in the humor department. I'll have to talk to the editor I hired to cover that and see if I can't light a fire under him. They guy works for daily rations of half a box of Cheez-its (and the plain cheaper ones too, not the fufu-y spendy kind) and a cup of herbal tea. He told me he used to be the editor for the Saturday Evening Post, the LA Times, and the Chicago Sun, but I'm beginning to become suspicious of that claim. I may have to evict him from the closet I let him sleep in here at work if I don't see some action soon.

Someone asked me in a comment on my last post why I always feel lonely. Well, I spend the vast majority of my day in complete solitude. It is a rare occasion that anyone wanders in to do anything more than get a uniform, which is a 15 second entry to exit transaction. I work 11am to 7:30pm, so I don't see Jen a ton, but I do see her some. I have incredibly extroverted tendencies, so it has been difficult. Top that off with attempting to rebuild a social life after having no time for one over the last 2 years due to school, and it has been a difficult road. I haven't been getting much email from anyone lately, so I have felt lonelier. I am working on some books, like The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence to help. It is some, but man cannot live without fellowship, which is what has been the issue for me. God has provided some light for me at work, but it is kinda sporadic. I am just trying to learn to thrive, rather than just survive, in the current circumstances. I could definitely use some prayer on that. Speaking of which...

I want to remind you all to please pray for my blog buddies, if you haven't been.
- Especially Dustin. He is going through some extremely stressful times at work. I used to work in the office he is currently Assistant Site Manager of, and I was stressed out just being a peon there. He is suffering from stomach maladies brought on by stress, so he needs lots of prayers all around.
- Please be praying for Liz, as she is moving into a more stressful period of transitioning into home schooling mode. Tough times on that account, but you should be reading her recent blog posts on that. It will save me from insufficiently attempting to rehash everything that has gone on.
- Please be praying for Kiersten. I can not share details of the situation, but please be praying that God would be blessing her and her family at this time.
- Please be praying for Susan, as she is amidst some really exciting times of her writing career. She needs strength and creativity right now as she works on projects to submit to publishers, and please pray that her creation, A Night of Rest, which she is posting a new chapter of every Friday on her blog, would find a publisher, because it certainly deserves one. Go read it!
- Please be praying for Justin. He is a pastor at a church in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Pastors always need prayer.
- Please be praying for Niki. She has been ill and slow to get better. Also, please be praying for wisdom for her and her family as they make some long-term decisions over the next year.
- Please be praying for Soph as her husband continues his fight to overcome an addiction to pornography. She is expecting their third child soon. If you haven't been dropping by to share an encouraging word, you should.
- My wife isn't a blog buddy (she doesn't have a blog), but she sure could use some prayer right now. She has had this recurring illness for the last year that her doctors have sat on their thumbs about. She finally found one that is willing to look at the whole spectrum of issues she is having and to help her find a permanent solution as opposed to treating the symptoms whenever she comes in. I always call her my "sick chick" when she isn't feeling well. She thinks it's cute.

And read this. It has honestly changed my perspective on everything. My life will never be the same because of it, and I am thankful. I will worry about so many things much, much less because of it. It is a bit long, but John Stossel tells you why just about everything you know is wrong. I'm outraged at the lies I have been led to believe. Read it and buy his book. I will. I have always like him, but Stossel is my new favorite journalist. Something else he did recently was debunk the "Supersize Me" premise. Looking at all of the other restaurants that are out there, if you ate from their normal fare for 30 days, you would gain as much as that dude did eating at McDonald's for 30 days. But it is just so easy to hate McDonald's whether or not they are "guilty," isn't it? BTW, many thanks to DaPoppins, who has no clue that I even exist, for the link to the article.

So I'll post this and start eating Cheez-its in anticipation of the inevitable, tomorrow. As much as I like Tito Sanchez, I'm probably going to have to fire him. So here is your comedic gold for the day:

Q: What's an Undecennial?
A: An 11TH anniversary.

MISNOMERS
- The rare red coral of the Mediterranean is actually blue.
- The gray whale is actually black.
- Heartburn is actually pyrosis, caused by the presence of gastric secretions, called reflux, in the lower esophagus.
- A steel-jacketed bullet is actually jacketed with copper.
- The Caspian Sea and the Dead Sea are both actually lakes.

A pretty funny story from the Cleveland Plains Dealer a couple of years back:
Cleveland Indians pitcher Kyle Denney survived a random gunshot on Sept. 29, 2004, fired at the bus taking him and his teammates to the airport in Kansas City after a game. The bullet hit Denney's right calf but did not penetrate deeply and was immediately removed by the team trainer. The bullet might have gone deeper except that Denney had on high plastic boots as part of the cheerleader's uniform he was wearing. (In end-of-season rituals, rookies like Denney are often forced by their teammates to wear ridiculous outfits.)"

How about this one: Odds that a grain of rice grown in the U.S. will end up being brewed into beer: 1 in 10. You might think this weird, but consider this. Anheuser-Busch (makers of Budweiser and Busch beer, among many others) produces 12% of all the beer consumed worldwide. Budweiser is made with rice, a recipe alteration that occurred during World War II when barley shortage was an issue. They substituted rice for some of the barley, which didn't add much flavor but did add some and boosted the body (viscosity) of the beer. They never changed it back after the war. Now, if you don't think that would be kosher, beer is an undistilled, alcoholic brew made from cereal grains. That is why rice wine is an oxymoron. Anything made from rice, is beer. Sake (pronounced "saw-kay" in Japan and commonly "sockee" in the US) is a beer, not wine made from ricein spitete of it's generally higher alcohol content.

How about another grain related fact? Maintenance workers on the Empire State Building in New York City were complaining of being pelted by small pellets when working at higher altitudes on the outside of the building. It was just recently discovered that these pellets were small pieces of barley that were blown in from Midwesterwind stormsms. Hows about that, huh?

Some great quotes from political leaders:
- "I intend to open this country up to democracy, and anyone who is against that, I will jail!"
President Joao Baptiste Figueiredo, Brazil

- "We're going to move left and right at the same time."
Former California Governor Jerry Brown

- "Facts are stupid things."
Ronald Reagan

- "The only way we'll ever get a voluntary army is to draft them."
Chairman of the House Committee on Armed Services F. Edward Herbert

- "Sixty years of progress, without change."
Saudi government's anniversary slogan

The Saudi one just screams the truth. We pretend there's been progress, but there's really been little change to speak of. I completely agree with Ronald Reagan's comment. "Facts" can be twisted to say or "prove" anything. It is only in the context of the story that facts are told in that they constitute anything that resembles the truth. And after reading that John Stossel report, you will know that.

Most of my regulars will know that I fancy few things French, but here is a good one:

Sabotage

Meaning: To deliberately destroy or obstruct

Origin: French peasants used to wear big wooden shoes known as sabots, but contrary to popular belief, these are not the same sabots that gave us "sabotage." Sabot was also the term for a clamp that held a piece of metal in place. The word first appeared during the French railway strikes of 1910, referring to the practice of workers cutting the sabots that kept the railroad tracks bound together.

I might say "car-hold" rather than garage until the day I die (LOL), but saying sabotage is easier than "to deliberately destroy or obstruct."

If you're French (or French Canadian) and you're reading this, I don't really dislike you. Your politicians (past and present) just make your people an easy target.

Here's an incredible fact: Over 6 billion copies of the Bible have been sold worldwide. The Word of the Lord is not and never will be silenced!

Well, I think I've gone a bit long.

Blessings,

Big J

PS, check this bad boy out! They got the right idea!

"Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it." Fyodor Dostoevsky